dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
