I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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