no, he came in my armpit
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
