she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
