i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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