I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
