I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
