I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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