I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
