that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
