Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
