had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
