I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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