we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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