Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
