I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize