Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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