does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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