Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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