that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
