Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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