wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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