Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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