lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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