i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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