You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
