please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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