I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
