your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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