I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
