after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
