Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
