Define "chronic" masturbator.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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