I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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