I wanna bring you to show and tell
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize