there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
