mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
