She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
