She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
