Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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