I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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