Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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