Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
