maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
