I queefed so loud it echoed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
