So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
how does that bad decision feel?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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