No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
