I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
