just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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