smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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