thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
