I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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