i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
