just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
