thus making me awesome and them whores
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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