I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
