Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
