we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
