speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
