What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize