All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize