Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
