If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
NoShamevember. You game?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
