i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
