she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize