Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
