I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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