it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
