just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
