i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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