Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
