it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
